Friday, September 29, 2017
Not only do I feel accomplished by typing a sentence that I'm sure no one has this past decade, but I'm fast approaching the centennial mark for B-Movie Enema! This marks the 91st entry of this blog. That means that before the end of November, I'll have hit 100 posts. How do I plan on celebrating that mark?
By taking a small break to pursue some other projects which could mean some significant overhauls to this blog.
However, that doesn't mean I'm anywhere near done yet. Oh no! I have some sweet blaxploitation to get to first. Blaxploitation, I might add, that is being brought to us by producer Gene Corman, the brother of Roger Corman... a white guy. Huh, okay. It was directly by William Witney... a white guy from Oklahoma. Well. Okay, I guess you could say some African Americans maybe had a rough road to get their movies made so they had to get help from other established, white dudes. Who wrote it? George Armitage. Now that is surely a brother... Motherfucker.
He's a white guy from Hartford, Connecticut.
Despite all this, Darktown Strutters does have a pretty solid cult following with Quentin Tarantino giving it praise - because he has a fucking opinion about everything and someone, somewhere, is glad to write about them. I know my way around these types of movies, but, I admit, I don't know this one. A friend sent me a bonkers trailer for it and we saw it was on YouTube to watch for free, so I jumped at the opportunity to add it to the list of movies I wanted to cover on the blog.
I apparently am not the only one who doesn't know anything about the movie. There's no plot or synopsis on YouTube, where I'm watching it, or Wikipedia. Thanks to IMDb, I do learn that Syreena has to find her mother, Cinderella, then some crazy shenanigans ensue. So I guess I should dive right in and watch this mutha...
Friday, September 22, 2017
In the late 80s and early 90s, I was hitting puberty pretty much like Mark McGwire would hit dingers - hard and fast. During this time, I would find movies and TV shows as sources of my adolescent crushes. I don't think we need to revisit my damn near stalker-level love of both Alyssa Milano and Phoebe Cates. I think we've covered that quite a bit. Last week, you learned that I was hot in my britches for Teri Copely. There were two other ladies that hit the scene in 1989 that I wanted to see whatever I could - Kim Basinger and the cat lady from Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.
Since the cat lady from Star Trek V would likely land me in jail in most states, I think we should talk about Kim Basinger.
Literally hot off seeing her on the big screen in Batman, I wanted to see everything Kim Basinger did. Some of it was perfectly fine - Blind Date and, to a very small degree, Never Say Never Again as a couple examples. Some of it was not so good. However, this one, because it starred a pretty popular comedian in Dan Aykroyd, and was the movie she made last before hitting it big in Batman, was on TV a lot. It was relatively harmless for people of all ages, despite some weird sex stuff I'll get to later, so it could air pretty much at any time of day.
Most people I knew, both boys and girls, watched this movie. It was the rare goofball comedy that was able to cross over to both genders of a certain age. For me, I've seen this movie so many times, that there are specific images that are forever burned into my mind. Like when we first see Basinger's Celeste put on her stockings was erotic as fuck, or when she comes into the bedroom to have sex with Aykroyd, or when she saves Alyson Hannigan's character with crazy space powers, or when baby Seth Green shows up to take Hannigan out on a date. This movie was a cornerstone in my life.
Admittedly, I'm a little concerned about watching this for the blog. I have nothing but lovely memories of watching this movie. I have a very bad feeling it doesn't hold up. But let's get this thing started and see if my fears are founded or not.
Friday, September 15, 2017
Back in 1989 through about 1991, Transylvania Twist appeared fairly regularly on cable channels like Showtime and the like before appearing on VHS in 1993. The movie is mostly notable to me for starring Robert Vaughn and Angus Scrimm (also known as the bad guy from Superman III and the Tall Man from the Phantasm series). However, there were one other member of the cast that really caught the attention of a young me - Teri Copley. Young me really, really liked blondes in the late 80s and early 90s.
But more on that shit later.
The movie is goofy, it's silly, and it's definitely going for the "screwball" element that came along with a lot of cable TV movies of the time. It definitely utilized Teri Copley's buxom blonde looks as a way to try to align it with some of the more "adult" movies playing on pay TV, but it was actually a PG-rated comedy that tried to go for humor along the lines of hits like Mel Brooks' movies or Airplane! It wasn't all that aggressive with its sexual humor but still included hot chicks and lots of cleavage. It was something I'd want to watch privately because I was just figuring out some stuff on a sexual level, but it wasn't overly dirty or anything I would have been embarrassed to have watched with my mom in the room. I think it played up to the idea that it was kind of a shitty movie, but reveled in it with parodies of popular horror movies and icons and breaking the fourth wall to speak to the audience directly.
This movie is only really available on YouTube these days (unless you want to spend dozens of dollars on the out of print DVD or buy a VHS player to watch it on tape), so I don't really have anything physical to copy the synopsis from, but I can break it down as such: Teri Copley is hot. She is related to a vampire who has hot vampire lady daughters. She has to go to Transylvania to get an inheritance from her dad, but the vampire, played by Robert Vaughn, wants the inheritance himself. Hilarity ensues.
Enough about that. Let's get to Teri Copley and Transylvania Twist because I haven't seen this movie in like 25 years at least!
Friday, September 8, 2017
And I can say all that for two reasons. 1) I am a weirdo so I might as well be a satisfied one. 2) I was born in the 70s. Like with a few years to spare too. It wasn't like I was born on December 30, 1979, I was born in February of 1977. So I existed in the decade I want to make dirty, dirty love to.
I'm not sure what I like more about the 70s - the music, the violence and, at times both visceral and over the top, gore of the grittier movies, the fashion, the afros, the women, roller skates, or Jack Nicholson's critical hit after critical hit career of the era. All I know is, whenever I see a movie or hear a song that is followed by a year in the 70s in parentheses behind the title, I'm immediately interested.
That leads us to this week's feature, 1975's Rollerball. Set in 2018, which is just a few months away now, the movie mixed elements of the 70s, with a roller derby type of game, with ideas that are usually reserved for some sort of post-apocalyptic or dystopian future as the game is more violent and gladiatorial than even the rough and tumble sports like football, hockey, or the aforementioned roller derby, and also ideas that are eerily prescient in our society now like governments and society being run by global corporations. What's additionally interesting about this film is that it's directed by three-time Academy Award Nominated Norman Jewison (twice nominated before the film), and stars a cast that has a total of four acting Oscar Nominations (James Caan, Ralph Richardson, and John Houseman) and at least one Tony Award Nominee (Moses Gunn). This was a for real deal movie starring some of Hollywood's best.
And the movie is about a futuristic sport - that is pretty astonishing.
It's been a very long time since I saw this version. I watched bits and pieces of the bullshit remake made in 2002 when I worked in the projection booth at a movie theater. I know this was a movie that wasn't uncommon to see on TV when I was little and my brothers (all definitely old enough to have seen the movie in the theater when it was still out despite its R-rating because the 70s were fucking cool with kids seeing that shit) all seemed to have fond memories of it. When I saw the movie at Disc Replay one Saturday afternoon, I knew I needed to talk about it here on the blog.
As for the synopsis, this comes from the back of the DVD box: "The year is 2018. There are no wars. There is no crime. There is only... the Game. In a world where ruthless corporations reign supreme, this vicious and barbaric 'sport' is the only outlet for the pent-up anger and frustrations of the masses. Tuned to their televisions, the people watch 'Rollerball': a brutal mutation of football, motocross, and hockey. Jonathan E. (Caan) is the champion player - a man too talented for his own good. The Corporation has taken away the woman he loves (Maud Adams) but they can't take away his soul - even if the diabolical corporate head (Houseman) tells him he'd better retire... or suffer the old-fashioned way."
Ooh... Now that sounds like my kinda movie. Let's get, erm... rolling on Rollerball!
Friday, September 1, 2017
That's just a simple fact. It has nothing to do with this blog. I just like it when girls get a little cuckoo over the bone. Who doesn't?
I'm also a big fan of the Poison Ivy movies.
That has a lot more to do with this blog - and today's entry in particular. Back in December of 2016, we looked at the second entry in this series, 1996's Poison Ivy II: Lily, starring Alyssa Milano. A third movie came out a year later starring Jaime Pressly. For a little over a decade, the series laid dormant until a fourth film premiered on Lifetime.
I'm totally positive this movie is going to be loaded with tits and ass just as I expect from any movie with the title Poison Ivy. And i'm also positive this will follow the tradition of all the naked boobs and bush we saw in the 2000s from actresses desperate to break into Hollywood. Wait..
Let me scan the paragraph just before the last one. Okay, I see mention of Poison Ivy II which, along with Embrace of the Vampire are definitely transformative movie experiences for me and mah boner. Check. I mentioned Poison Ivy 3. That one stars another super hot lady who was also in Playboy. That's good for my ding dong. Check. Okay, so now movie #4 in the series... Okay, the back of the box told me "Wide-eyed freshman Danielle 'Daisy' Brooks' first days at Beckshire College are the best ever." Very nice. "...secretive close-knit sisterhood..." Okay, good, good. "...hot-blooded temptress..." Even better.
Oh no... I said the movie premiered on Lifetime. It's a Lifetime TV movie. I just went soft immediately. I bet this doesn't have scenes that you can only see by going to Pornhub or SpankBang. Sigh... I was excited to watch this, but now I'm not so sure. Even though this is a DVD that is "Not Rated", that doesn't mean it's "Unrated". There's a big difference. Unrated usually means a little more than R-rated, but avoids the dreaded NC-17 while still showing some pretty sweet business. Not Rated is usually seen on old movies that were made before the current ratings system or for TV movies. Well, dammit. I'm still going to watch the fuck out of this. It's got what is sure to be a bevy of hot chicks in it, but I can't count on boobs.
So, what I could pick up from the back of the box, this chick named Daisy (because of course she has a flower name as that is the thing with these movies) is invited to join a secret society called the Ivies. They are hot and manipulative. The box also says this is a "delicious thriller" with a "not-so-innocent country girl".
Let's watch some sexy college girl action...